The Orthodox memorial service: when it takes place and what you need

Losing someone close is hard, and the first weeks bring a lot of practical questions. When is the first memorial? How many memorials do we hold? Who prepares the kollyva? This guide brings together what is customary in most Orthodox parishes, so that the family can focus on what matters: praying for the person they love.

What a memorial service is

The memorial service, known in Greek as the mnimosyno, is the Church's prayer for those who have fallen asleep. It is usually held in church after the Divine Liturgy, often on a Sunday or a Saturday. The family brings the names to be remembered, the kollyva and anything else that is local custom, and the priest commemorates the departed together with the community.

How many memorials are held

Customs vary from place to place, but the most common are:

• The 40-day memorial: the first major memorial, held close to forty days after the death.
• The three-month memorial: kept in many regions, though not everywhere.
• The six-month memorial: at half a year.
• The annual memorial: at one year, and then every year or at three years, as the family chooses.

Many families also remember their loved ones on the Saturdays of Souls. The date need not fall exactly on the anniversary; families usually choose the nearest Sunday or Saturday that suits both them and the priest. There are also times when memorials are generally not held, such as Holy Week, the week after Pascha and certain major feasts. Your parish priest will tell you what applies.

The Trisagion

The Trisagion is a short service of prayer for the departed. It can be held in church, at the graveside or at home, and is often said on days when a full memorial is not held. If you would like a Trisagion at the grave, ask the priest when he is able to come.

Kollyva

Kollyva is boiled wheat, a symbol of the resurrection, usually mixed with nuts, raisins, pomegranate seeds, sesame and parsley, then covered with icing sugar. Some families make it at home; others order it. If you make it yourselves, boil and drain the wheat the day before so that it is properly dry.

What the family does

• Speaks to the priest several days ahead to agree a date.
• Writes down the names to be commemorated.
• Arranges the kollyva, candles and whatever else the parish usually expects.
• Lets relatives and friends know the day and time.

Arranging things with your parish

On Sundays before great feasts, or on the Saturdays of Souls, several memorials are often held together, so it helps to get in touch early. Ask whether the parish has its own practice regarding the time, the kollyva or the offering, and whether names need to be given in advance. A short phone call saves the family a great deal of worry on the day itself.

If the memorial falls during a fasting period, our guide to the Orthodox fasts of the year may help you plan the refreshments afterwards.

Convivia helps parishes keep track of memorial services and remind families of upcoming dates. Explore the features.